Bound for the Sun
by woochann
Summary: She felt a deep longing to try and get to know Saito better, even if by a little bit.  Her face changed from being blank to being soft and pleasant.  Yes, she wanted to get to know the man called Saito Hajime very much. Saito/Chizuru;
1. 001

'_Bound for the Sun'  
_001;

This is a Saito/Chizuru fan fiction. I know at this moment it doesn't seem as such, but I want to establish relationships of the others before I attempt to bring romance in the picture between Saito and Chizuru. Saito will not play a major roll in this first chapter but hopefully next chapter he will be. I am sorry if there is OOCness of characters, but I am trying my best. I hope that they are still a good percentage in character. If I have miss-spelled or gotten, a fact wrong for anything please let me know. I want to be as accurate as possible.

As a side note, the war/wars going on will not be used here. I guess you could consider this a "peaceful" time where they do not have to go to battles that are severe (petty squabbles will most likely occur though). Also, please know this is after when they had to get their haircut, rather than before. It is a simple thing to say but I feel it should be said. I will try to not use names of places because I don't know them very well. I don't want to be foolish and think I can. So just, assume they are in Edo regardless of the impossibility of it given the events that take place during this 'time', hahah.

Honorifics will not be used. Sorry for so many changes. I just disobey everything normal and logical.

. . .

The sun brought comforting warmth to Chizuru as she basked under its bright rays; the sun seemingly the only warmth to be found in the beginning lapses of autumn. Chizuru missed the thick smell of flowers and good earth, but she admired the brittle, yet sturdy smells of autumn. Autumn was full of wonderful things, she smiled; many beautiful things. The act of the leaves changing from a slick green to a rusty red, a deep yellow and crisp umber was magical. Pausing to look down at the stubborn gravel caking the cold stone pathway reminded her of her chores. She gasped and furiously swatted at the gravel with her broom, with more determination than should be exercised in sweeping.

"You know Chizuru you don't have to try so hard. I do not think it is a good idea to take advantage of the gravels inability to defend itself in your brutal beating. It is just gravel after all," she bristled at Okita's dry humor. He had a way of making Chizuru laugh deeply, but at times, his humor brought her on edge. Especially in this instance when she did not expect it, "Okita, you shouldn't be walking while you are sick, especially in this colder weather."

Okita sighed; he was tired of being cooped up in that room to himself. Rarely did anyone come to visit him he actually wanted to visit him, but he did know Chizuru had a valid point in her worrying. However, it still made him agitated at the lack of movement on his part. He watched Chizuru drop her broom and begin pleading for him to return to his room-"I will make Okita tea if it will appease him to go back to his room." He grinned at her sorry attempts at persuasion, though a cup of tea made by Chizuru seemed pleasantly satisfying compared to the others.

"I suppose if I can get Chizuru's tea out of it, I'll appease her by returning to my room."

Chizuru's mouth twitched upward at Okita's playful demeanor. She was glad to see he was in better health these days than before. However, he was still sick and needed rest but she sympathized with his predicament. She watched as his lips fluidly returned her smile with his own version.

. . .

They walked side by side to his room, a platter of tea in Chizuru's delicate hands.

"I am glad Okita kept his hair longer. The others look wonderful with shorter hair, but I feel you wouldn't be the same with a hair-cut." Okita laughed at her random conversation starter. She did always try to include him in everything so he did not feel left out, even if it was for something petty such as haircuts. "Chizuru, if I cut my hair, I would have little to no hair."

Chizuru shook her head at her foolishness, he did have a point. His hair was already short to begin with. Cutting it even farther would have seemed pointless. "Though, I appreciate the gesture." Chizuru felt the warmth circulate through her, she was happy to have given someone something to appreciate.

After shooing Okita to his room with his cup of tea, she walked back to her place by the gate, the broom lying peacefully where she had dropped it. Picking it up, she continued her rapidly declining attempts of keeping the stones perfectly clean of debris from past squabbles between the Shinsengumi members. They always seemed to do something else to disrupt her cleaning. She understood who they were and what they did, but wished some of them had better destructive habits-which meant none at all.

"Men will be men, as boys will be boys." Chizuru smiled at her use of a cliché saying, but felt it fit the situation at hand.

Just as she had finally swept the entire grounds that needed it, something else caught her attention that needed to be done. This then led to her remembering hoards of things she needed to finish by the day's end. First, there was dinner for the members of the Shinsengumi, and then she needed to go through stock and see what needed to be bought. Then she had to see what food would soon parish, and to make sure and use it before it did so. Heisuke helped her with stock normally as a way to avoid Shinpachi and his teasing; however, when Shinpachi and Sanosuke left Heisuke rarely helped her. He had to take on responsibilities that before were shouldered between them all, but now bigger problems had to be placed on fewer shoulders. She saw what it did to them all, and tried to relieve as much as that as she could by providing good food, and an ear to listen. She didn't mind doing the stock count by herself, it was a good time for her to think and reflect. Few people did stock at night but she had a habit of doing too much at once and then forgets to do stock, so it ended up being done late at night. It had just become a routine even when she remembered it needed to be done.

. . .

Chizuru walked to the kitchen and placed the vegetables she had pulled on the worn wooden counter. She raised an eyebrow when she saw pans already set out to cook. Maybe someone who knew her basic routine had been nice enough to get them out for her? She had to remember to thank whoever had done that, as it was rather sweet of them to remember.

Before she had even begun to clean the vegetables a quick shuffle made her turn her head to see Saito abruptly standing by her side, his kimono sleeves pulled back, ready to work.

"I would like to offer my services for dinner."

Chizuru brightened at the unexpected company; Saito was a mystery to her and any time she could potentially get to know him better was something she longed for. He was the only person she knew the least about. He shared very little with her, and from what someone had told her, he didn't share much else with them either; people he had known for years but she knew, if nothing else, Saito was one to keep to himself regardless who it was.

"Thank you Saito, you don't have to if you don't want to. I can manage on my own." she hoped he didn't take her words to heart and opt to leave instead of stay. Seeming to sense this he simply picked up some vegetables and began to prep them to be cut and cooked.

She was glad for Saito's help. Because of his help, she had cooked up a fine dinner, better than ones they had had in weeks. It was amazing what a second hand could help someone accomplish. Out of all the Shinsengumi members, it seemed Saito was the best at cooking; she had seen him cook only once before and was relieved to know it actually had a taste that was not repulsive. She was happy to still have her taste buds after that meal, unlike many others when the guys had thought to "help" Chizuru only to make inedible things that she had to swallow for fear of feeling guilty if she did not.

Walking towards Saito, Chizuru smiled widely at him as he finished dishing out the meals into bowls. "Thank you so much for you hard work! I appreciate the helping hand. It was nice to cook with you, Saito." He barely offered her a nod in acknowledgment but she took no offense to it. The fact he had acknowledged her was enough.

"Would you like help taking it to them?" The sudden speech from him caused her to jump slightly but instantly she replied, "No thank-you, I can manage this by myself. Maybe you could help by gathering everyone to eat…?" She didn't want to feel like she was commanding him to do something, as he was an officer and did rank above her, plus she didn't like giving commands to people when she didn't feel it was justified.

Saito nodded quickly, "I shall go and do that now."

Chizuru let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding, after he left. Being around Saito was like walking on eggshells. She had no idea what to say to him, and didn't know what she could and could not get away with. For example, though Heisuke was above her in rank, she could talk to him as she would a friend. All of them treated her like this in some regard, allowing her to joke with them and get away with things most commanding officers would not allow. While Saito seemed overall the same, she felt a deep respect for him and his abilities. She felt she needed to act more mature and polite around him more so than the others did. Maybe it was because she felt small compared to him, but she didn't feel overwhelmed by his presence either. Like with Hijikata, she felt protected and safe but extremely limited in what she could offer to them.

As she walked to the room where they would all gather to eat, she felt a deep longing to try and get to know Saito better, even if by a little bit. Hijikata had finally done so; it was only natural for her to want to know Saito as well, right? Her face changed from being blank to being soft and pleasant. Yes, she wanted to get to know the man called Saito Hajime very much.

. . .

Finished with Chapter one! Hallelujah! Plot is somewhat predictable but ah, I don't claim to be especially original in that sense. Gah, Saito is hard for me to portray…I must listen and watch his mannerisms more in the anime to become better versed in his tendencies and manner of speech.

Hopefully that was a decent first chapter!


	2. 002

Sorry I didn't get this out sooner...I had finished it a few days ago but didn't get a chance to post it here. 8( I decided to work on Chapter two as well, since I feel on a roll (or something like that). I forgot the disclaimer in the last chapter but just know that I do not own any characters, and all are copyright to their respectful owners. The only thing I own is the plot (which sometimes I think someone could do better, hahah). Like before possible OOCness (I try but sometimes it happens ;)

If you have any comments/concerns, it may be better to contact me through my LJ (can be found via my homepage). I update and check that site more than this one; thank-you. Also, thank you all for your favorites, and reviews.

. . .

Saito sat slightly bowed as he drank his tea with ease, something people rarely saw him do (he did care about posture). He tugged lightly on the ends of his hair and let a small breath escape his lips. He felt strange with his new hair but knew it was necessary for the time being. He let his mind wander to other strange things he rarely expressed to others. He knew many people thought his mind was as empty as his expressions; as he mused over it, he concluded they were half-right. He did believe having too many thoughts would clutter the efficiency of battle, but he was not in battle was he? Days like these were few, and while he still had responsibilities, the peace of solitude gave him time to think things thoroughly.

He found his inner monologues to be as pleasant as the breeze that blew during colder months. The chill made him feel alive; like he was awake for something special, not just existing. He pulled at his tomoeri of his kimono so it became taught as he felt his posture causing the kimono to spread apart. Closing his eyes to just listen he heard familiar feet scuttle across the wood.

Chizuru; he let his eyes flutter open when he heard her stop at his door.

"Saito, Hijikata would like to speak with you. I was told to come and retrieve you." He stood, all his ease flowing out of him. He replaced his relaxed brows with stern, no-nonsense ridges. Pulling the sliding door open, he glanced at Chizuru, allowing her to stand to escort him to Hijikata. He paused when Chizuru did not move from her spot by his door.

"Have you had tea this morning?" Reasoning it was nothing important, he continued walking satisfied to see Chizuru catch up to him as he began his walk, "Yes, I have." He was greeted with a gentle smile and expressive eyes from his partner.

"I am glad you take care of yourself better than some of the others. Saito is very self-sufficient."

He didn't see how that mattered, but found a pleasantness to the observation, even if everyone he knew was quite self-sufficient themselves. Saito still felt unsure with Chizuru, a female roaming around the grounds so freely gave him worry someone may try to kidnap or kill her, but if she was resigned to the possibility then he felt he should as well.

. . .

As Saito entered the room, Chizuru departed to make some tea to make the conversations and at times debates, more pleasant. The walk to the kitchen was peaceful, and quiet. It gave Chizuru time to muse over how to get to know Saito better. Obviously, he was not one for small talk but like times before, the men normally expressed their deep concerns and feelings when they felt led to. This mainly came with trust. She felt that Saito still wasn't quite willing to trust her completely. She knew it wasn't because he thought she would do something untrustworthy but some people didn't give all their trust to someone right off the bat. Trust was something to be earned and Saito seemed like the person who had very few close friends, and even fewer people he trusted with his thoughts. Chizuru felt perplexed at how to gain his trust. Maybe it wasn't something she should force to be given or to try to coax out of him; that made Chizuru feel like she was doing something underhanded, and from the experiences of others she had known, forcing people to trust you only caused strife.

Moreover, Chizuru wasn't very good at being forceful in that way. Her thoughts broke off when she heard her name being called repeatedly, "Chizuru, finally! Are you okay?" She smiled at Heisuke and his perplexed expression, with his hands above his head in his usual carefree manner.

"I'm fine, Heisuke. Are you heading to discuss the matters at hand with Hijikata and Saito?" She watched has his puzzled expression turn into a solemn nod, "Yes but the good thing is that things seem to be going into a lapse period. After this I'm going to make my rounds."

Chizuru nodded knowingly. She was glad to hear that things were calming down for the time being. She felt uneasy at the sudden peace but it gave her time to become more self-sufficient herself. Before Heisuke had broken from her side he turned, his hands now at his sides, "Oh, I was told by Hijikata to inform you that you didn't have to bring us tea today. Our meeting won't be long today so there isn't a need for it." Chizuru placed a smile on her face, Heisuke returned it; he turned his back and walked away.

She allowed her smile to drop. She felt a twinge of uselessness but reassured herself there were times when you could do nothing but to be there when you were needed. She decided that she would visit Okita before she proceeded to go shopping, since things were taking her routine out of order and she suddenly had time for things she hadn't before.

. . .

Okita heard his door being slid open; he rose from his lying down position to see Chizuru sit on her knees in front of him, a teapot, and cup in her hands. He laughed lightly knowing exactly why she was here, "They didn't need you today, did they?"

Chizuru bowed at how easily he knew her, but was relieved he didn't seem to mind the company. "Two visits in one week, I must be dying soon." Chizuru frantically waved her hands, "No, no! I just-" She calmed down when Okita lightly smiled at her, "I don't mind the extra visits Chizuru. There is no need to get carried away; you should have known I was joking."

Though he was reprimanding her, she didn't feel like she was being chastised, she felt like he was patting her on the head like a brother would do to his sister. "Well if you wouldn't say such morbid things I wouldn't be so worried." Okita laughed at her faint pout, "You are in a good mood today. Did something happen I should know of?"

Chizuru didn't realize she was such an open book, "Well even though I am not needed today, I can get things done I couldn't do. Such as go collect some items for dinner and the coming week." She nodded after she had mulled over it wasn't such a bad thing to not be in demand for the day.

Okita frowned, "Someone should go with you. I-" he stopped as the corners of Chizuru's mouth dropped into a solid line, her brows furrowing down. "There is no need. I can do it by myself; I don't want to trouble any of you further than I am." Okita shook his head at her stubbornness. How could someone so petite be so strong-headed? He remembered something Hijikata had said and closed his eyes, a light smile on his face, "He was right, you truly are a woman of Edo. If you cannot be persuaded to have an escort at least wait until they are done to inform them of your escapade."

Her face returned to its normal bubbly self and she poured Okita some tea, "Thank you! I will do as you advise." Despite his reluctance to let her leave the grounds alone, he was happy; he had her as company for the time being. She was easy to tease; and he was getting her tea twice in one week, truly, he was blessed.

. . .

Having left Okita an hour prior, Chizuru decided she would bid her time by doing the laundry. She was starting to realize she needed a hobby. Cooking was a grand way to take up time, and chores did as well, but on days like these, she became ahead of the work needing to be done meaning: she had more free time to do nothing. She clicked her tongue at her lack of a hobby figuring it was time to pick one up. Though what that was…was still perplexing to her. She didn't want a hobby that was too time consuming because she wanted to do it when she could and if it was time consuming that defeated its purpose. She also didn't want it to be too labor intensive as she already got her work out doing chores, adding another "chore" to her list was over-kill.

Then she pondered over taking up something feminine such as sewing, but Chizuru couldn't picture herself sewing things other than what needed the bare minimum; things like sewing scarves and things of the like seemed out of place to her. Maybe if she presented the question to a few of the members she would get a better answer to their thoughts on the matter.

Picking up the basket, she walked over to the clothesline and began placing them on the string. Maybe she was over-thinking again…

. . .

"Ah, Saito!" Chizuru chirped when she saw him exit the meeting room. He turned his head to acknowledge her and she bowed slightly, "I wanted to inform you I am leaving the grounds to go collect some groceries."

"There is no need to go alone; I shall accompany you as I do not take my rounds yet." Chizuru opened her mouth to deny his offer but thought better of it as she had never actually had Saito accompany her anywhere before. She thought back to her meager plan and smiled instead, "I would appreciate that very much."

He nodded to her and allowed Chizuru to lead the way to where she needed to go.

. . .

Saito watched calmly as Chizuru picked through the vegetables and fruits for the proper items. She was quick to get what they needed and never seemed tempted to buy an excess amount or something for herself; such as candy or cakes. Suddenly she turned to him and exclaimed, "I would like your opinion on something…" He knew she didn't finish until he confirmed he was listening.

When he nodded she beamed and began walking from one of the stands continuing on her way to the next stop, "I've been contemplating taking up a hobby when I am not needed around the grounds. Do you have any suggestions?" She paused to gauge the vegetables at the next stand; unsatisfied she continued.

His eyes opened a bit at the question but he took the question to heart and began mulling it over.

"What is it you like to do?" He didn't even know what she liked or didn't like to do. He didn't want to say something only for her to say she didn't like doing that.

"I already thought about sewing but I decided it wasn't something I enjoyed. I want to do something creative but isn't time consuming."

Saito looked directly ahead, "You did not answer my question though. What is it that you like to do?" He didn't quite like reprimanding her but that didn't really help him at all; he already knew that.

Chizuru smiled at his statement, "I don't know actually. I've been searching for my father for so long, and doing things a woman wouldn't do, that I can't see myself doing anything."

He hummed lightly at the predicament. He was now very interested in possible ideas, "You like to cook do you not. Perhaps you should experiment with that. We can afford to buy a little extra for your hobby."

Chizuru shook her head, "I don't want to cause problems. Money should be spent wisely. At this time I don't think we should do that when that money may be needed for more important things."

Saito could only nod. She came about her answers logically, and to the point. It was as if she had already justified why she could or could not do something. Her logic made sense and he had to agree with her point in case. In fact, he felt slightly embarrassed for suggesting such an idea.

Chizuru glanced at Saito's face and smiled gently, "I appreciate your suggestion though. You don't have to give me an idea if it is troubling you."

That left Saito with mixed feelings. Now that she had mentioned it, he couldn't just forget about it. He would think about it for the rest of the day. In addition, he considered this like a challenge and he wasn't going to let it best him so easily.

He heard quiet laughter and glanced down at Chizuru and she stopped. "Your face is so stern. You must really be taking my question to heart. Thank you, though I find it sort of funny that you're putting so much thought into it." Chizuru broke her gaze with Saito and looked at the meat; upon deciding she purchased it and put it in her basket while giving some to Saito to stick in his. He pushed the basket in front of him so she could easily put it in.

He felt embarrassed at what face he must have been making; he thought he wasn't doing anything out of the ordinary. He sighed a bit, "If you give me more time I should be able to provide you with more suggestions."

She nodded, "If you would like to; thank you again." She chanced another glance at his face, "Are you going to help with dinner tonight as well?" He looked at her from the corner of his eye and while she was trying to hide it, he saw eagerness in her posture. He smiled faintly at her openness. He felt warmed by her wanting his company for something simple such as cooking, "If you will accept me."

She jumped; shock on her face, "Why would I not accept your offer!"

He found her expression to be priceless and couldn't help but laugh lightly at her anxiety. This caused Chizuru to blush and walk in step with him again, bowing her head. He couldn't stop the softness in his eyes, she really did care too much about others, but he also couldn't help but point out something else either, "I also believe you invited me; I do not remember offering to cook tonight."

Her eyes shot up at him to apologize but when she spotted his mischievous glint, she realized he was teasing her. She didn't know how to react, seeing him so at ease, and teasing her even! She giggled and stopped walking when she found the next stand she needed, "That was rude of me, I suppose."

He nodded, "Yes, I agree."

. . .

Horrible stopping point; also frustrated on trying to give Saito lines…arg.

I tried to do some research on Saito (and Chizuru to see if it said anything she liked to do from the game etc. but found nothing) and found the same thing. _Reserved, polite and intelligent_ and I'm like, "Is that it? That tells me nothing. Many people are reserved, polite, and intelligent. I want more character traits…or something detailed." So if any of you have played the games can you give me some basic overview of Saito in-game (and maybe even Chizuru). Thanks!


	3. 003

Chapter three is now on its way. I am sick as a dog so I am updating this story and posting a new one as we speak. This is just to keep me entertained until I can write some new material for both. I feel happy updating this story; even with my mishaps, hahah. I enjoy this pairing so much and I love this rendition of the Shinsengumi; it really is a beautiful series, I am happy to be a fan of it, as well as to write fan fiction for it.

I don't own any of these characters; that's about the story of my life. 8T

. . .

Saito tied his sleeves back with the straps that wrapped themselves around front to back to keep his sleeves out of the way of his work. His eyes studied the movement of how the blade gutted into the desired target; giving him the pleasure to see it fall beneath his force. Chizuru watched Saito with face of slacked wonderment; she wished she could be as proficient with the blade as Saito was with his. Though, she wondered if she really needed that much concentration on cutting vegetables, but she was happy Saito was enjoying his time to think and it seemed relieve stress.

Stepping back to survey the decent sized kitchen she backed up even further to stare at Saito's broad back, and stood amazed at how she could see his muscles work beneath the cloth of his kimono. Even if the movements were slight, his arm muscles tensed with each cut. What really fascinated her was how it looked as if his shoulder blades were breathing in time with the rhythm of his cuts. They were fluid and direct, never once did she witness him stop to take a break or realize she wasn't by his side anymore.

His dedication to the simplest task made Chizuru feel pride and accomplishment for her friend, even if she was doing nothing useful to help him. She felt as if she was the one cutting those vegetables with swift strokes.

Saito paused in his fluid dance; the knife raised a hair above the carrots dull orange glare, to lift his head slightly. He lifted the blade further from the vegetable and turned three quarters to see Chizuru just standing behind him, a look of amazement on her face. Quickly, as if someone had snapped their fingers, she blinked and looked at him with a question in her gaze, "Why did you stop? Is there something you need?" She surveyed what was left of the vegetables and thought he may have run out of them to cut, "Perhaps more vegetables?"

Saito shook his head and turned away from her again but Chizuru did not hear him begin to cut again. Moving beside him, she peered around his arm to get a better view of why he had stopped, "You didn't cut yourself did you?" He glanced at her from the corner of his eye and in a fluid movement flipped the blade so the hilt rested just by Chizuru's own hand, a sign that he wanted her to take it from him.

"You may cut the rest if you would like?" Though Chizuru did hear the question she didn't feel as if he was asking her but telling her he'd like her to do the rest. Rolling up her sleeves further she flashed him a quick smile and took the knife from him, "Saito does look as if he needs a break, I will cut the rest. You can sit down for now until I finish, then we can begin on the meat."

Saito scooted towards the left and then took a few steps back so he was out of her way. He decided to ignore the comment of him looking tired. He knew she was just trying to be helpful, regardless of whether he did a bit of prodding for her to do so. He was not blind to know that even with a knife; she preferred to avoid using them as much as she could. He also knew that there was a difference from being afraid of swords to just not liking to handle them; Chizuru reminded him of the latter more than the former. He begrudgingly admitted that he slightly admired her for her innocence. Many men were thrust into adulthood long before they should have been, and he had seen many women thrust into womanhood long before they should have been as well, but that was simply life. It did not take it easy on those who deserved it but did the opposite. Just like, it seemed those who could use a bit of growing up were mainly lying around doing nothing about it. As he stood slightly behind her, watching her hack at the vegetables with subtle grace, he noticed that while she was placed into a predicament that caused her to grow up sooner than she should have, she had lost none of the innocence he imagined she had as a child.

He stepped back more so she would not pay him heed. He watched how her movements were clumsy at best, but strong. Though she did not have the precision and speed he did, he rather liked the way the board would echo a cry every time she sliced through a piece of the item. He closed his eyes listening to the thud of the knife hitting the board, and hearing the crisp crunch of the vegetables as she worked through their hide. The sound was almost rhythmic. So lost in the sounds he held back the urge to frown when the noise stopped. Opening his eyes, he watched Chizuru walk over to another counter to grab a bowl; seemingly unfazed by Saito's lapse into another place.

"Saito could you get the beef out, I have finished chopping the vegetables." He cursed himself for letting his mind become lethargic. Chizuru turned to look at Saito, "Saito?" He responded by disappearing to go grab the meat and to bring it back to Chizuru. Chizuru watched him slowly, and then smiled as she began placing the vegetables in the bowl to be used later.

Cooking with Saito made Chizuru realize how much at ease she could be. She never knew how much could be said without saying anything. She could not help but appreciate Saito even more. He said little but his actions spoke more than his words. Few people could do so efficiently, but when she watched Saito, it was like watching an art form being brought to life. Determined, Chizuru lit the fire to heat up the pot for the stew they were going to have. If she planned correctly, it would last longer if contained right, and would taste even better the next day. They may not enjoy the meal a second time, so she would need to plan something else to go with it.

As she set the giant pot on the fire, she laughed shortly to herself at how she felt like a mother feeding her children. She couldn't stop the quiet laughter when she imagined Saito as one of her sons trying his best to emulate his mother, though, if anything, thought Chizuru; she would be learning more from him than he from her.

"How would you like the beef to be sliced?" She glanced up and rubbed her hands together at the sudden chill from the window, "I believe cubes would be fine, but make them bite sized. I would hate to see one of you choke because we cut the pieces too big."

Quietly he walked back over to the board and began slicing the beef into the size Chizuru desired. Chizuru sat on her knees close to the fire to make sure none of the pieces was going out. Seeing the lick of flames on the bottom of the pot, she stood back up and went to find the teakettle.

Turning her head half an inch to where Saito's direction was, she called to him, "Would you like some tea?" Upon hearing a quiet but distinct 'yes' Chizuru poured in some water and set it by the pot on the fire. Grabbing the bowl filled with vegetables, she poured them in the large pot, sniffing the aroma that wafted to her noise as the vegetables began to cook.

Hearing the sizzle of the vegetables, Saito brought the meat over and threw it in the pot as well. He was about to turn to go wash his hands when Chizuru lugged a small tub of water towards him, "Just wash your hands in this tub of warm water I heated up earlier." He did as she instructed and then wiped his hands dry with a towel she provided to him.

"The water for the tea should be warm; I'll get the cups if you could pull the kettle from the fire." Just as he went for the kettle and Chizuru for the cups, one of the Shinsengumi walked in to check on progress.

"Is dinner almost done? The men are getting restless." Chizuru placed her hands on her hips and sighed, "It will be done soon, if they would like it done quicker they can come in here and help." The man laughed slightly and bowed. "Of course, Miss Chizuru."

Walking away, Chizuru sighed quietly to herself at the impatience of people. They didn't even seem to care that one of their captains was also helping! She loved these men more than she could have ever imagined but at times it made Chizuru upset at their lack of respect for the work it took to cook a meal for many people.

"You must remember they work hard for their meal; it does no one good to get upset at their lack of respect at times." She looked over at Saito as he had found the teacups for her and poured them each a cup, "I do not know if it is my place to say, but you should count it an honor to have these men hunger for your meals so frequently. I speak for most of the men when I say that good food here can be hard to find, and is…sacred, when discovered."

While Chizuru still felt it rude of them to be so impatient, she felt that explanation for their impatience made her mouth turn upwards at the thought. Her cooking, liked! Saito handed her one of the cups of tea and she took it, grateful for something to warm her hands. She was about to protest when Saito reached for a spoon to stir the meat and vegetables; but thought better of it since it didn't matter who stirred so long as it got done.

Even when he was telling her how he saw things, he had respectable and polite manner about him. "Amazing," she blushed when he looked at her. She took a sip of her tea, trying to hide her face from him, "This tea is very amazing Saito, thank you."

He did not see it something to blush about but nodded nonetheless. The slight set of pink on her face gave Chizuru a more interesting appeal than her normal color, and made Saito conclude he would not mind seeing it more often. It gave her some complexity, he mused.

Taking a sip of the tea himself, he could not help but nod to himself at how well the flavors meshed in his mouth. Hearing a stifle of laughter he glanced at Chizuru again to hear her say, "It is funny to see Saito so happy in his achievement; but rightfully he should be. This is an amazing cup of tea."

Shifting his position slightly where he stood, he took another sip of his tea embarrassed at the compliment. She noticed too many things, was too observant for her own good. It made Saito beside himself at her talent of silent observations when he knew he did not show it on his face.

"I could say the same for Chizuru's acts of cooking." he bemused.

Chizuru took another sip of her tea, a smile forming around the lid of the cup, "I do enjoy cooking. There is something pleasing to how it can bring comfort to one's soul, and can bring a group of strangers to one table." She stared into the fire, "Even if only for a moment."

Saito again was taken aback from Chizuru's maturity. Though he saw her elegance through her ability to serve with grace, he found he liked this Chizuru more; the one who contemplated things with a soft but thoughtful look. He appreciated someone who could speak so eloquently and it amazed him how often he saw it from her. Her tenacity made up for her lack of skill in swordsmanship. He couldn't lie to himself when he saw how the men of the Shinsengumi had taken to her nurturing and caring ways. Even Hijikata had softened slightly to her ways.

He felt an over-whelming since of discomfort at the thought that he may be doing the same. It was unnatural for him to feel so quickly at ease, and he did not like how he lost some of his focus when she said certain things to him. He did not like the feeling of losing control of his senses and he felt ashamed when he missed hearing her soothing words in his ear.

In a moment, she could be gone, he remembered. He did not want to forget why he joined the Shinsengumi, and it certainly was not to become soft under a woman's words.

Chizuru felt unsettled when she saw Saito's mood change from contentment to a hard look. She didn't feel hostility or coldness from him towards her; but she felt as if he was taking a step away from her. She knew it was silly to think, but she feared that he might not ever return those steps; that he was going to leave her here to stand by the fire: alone.

. . .

I didn't want to make Saito completely cave under Chizuru's caring and nurturing ways as I see him as the type of person who find those types of things foreign and not something he would want to conduct in on a regular basis. I think the other men are the same way, but for some reason I get more of that type of personality from Saito, than anyone else; as if he wants to repel it since it isn't something that makes you a better warrior. Maybe it is due to his quietness and polite nature, I'm not sure.

I think I did make him a bit out of character in some parts, but overall I am happy with this chapter. Sorry it didn't move from scene to scene but stayed pretty much in the same spot (this reminds me how cooking stew is a nightmare). 8( I also don't know why I'm trying to justify this to everyone. If I like it, I shouldn't be so critical about it; if someone doesn't like it then I can't stop them from not liking it.

Either way, I hope you all enjoy it. Comments are appreciated (including the ones that make me feel like I fail lollol.) (:


	4. 004

**Bound for the Sun|004;**  
by _woochann_  
A Saito/Chizuru fanfiction.

I have not proof-read this chapter so if there are any grammatical errors or typos then I am sorry. I will fix them once I proof-read it (probably tomorrow). This story is not being dropped and it is not forgotten about, I am just so busy trying to finish Crane Wings on Windows (which will be such a long story; I have so much I want to do with it) that I tend to put all my other stories on the back-burner. Hopefully this will make all my Saito/Chizuru fans happy!

Also, thank-you to _**Sekai no Hikari**_ for the suggestion for Chizuru's hobby. After I thought about it, that was a wonderful idea and so I am using it!

…

_He wiped the tears from her eyes and bent low to kiss her delicate skin. How much he had longed to taste her on his lips. To taste the fears, anxieties, cares, and hopes in her skin and bask in their might. He did not know when she had won him, but she had. He was glad for every second she stayed by him. She gasped at his strength and forcefulness, but did not move from him. As lips parted to meet, she raised her hand to touch his cheek. The gap was closing between them an-_

Saito opened his eyes and stared blankly at his ceiling. Suddenly realizing the full effect of the dream he blushed lightly, embarrassed, and turned to his side, hoping to be drifted to a much deeper sleep. However, the sounds of footfalls alerted him to a person walking around outside.

Stealing his gaze to his sliding door, he watched the pale moonlight shine through the screen. Sitting up, he ran a hand through his hair before rising from his bed to assess who would dare try to sneak up on the Shinsengumi at this time of night. They must have known the pitfalls of such a plan. Foolishly, they walk on enemy soil so half-heartedly. Either they were an utter fool, or too confident in their abilities to tread careful.

Reaching for one of his katana's, he slid open the door slightly to see who may be prowling. Not seeing anybody, he opened the door further and bent down, resting one knee on the ground while the other was bent. Peering around his door to the left and right he saw nothing. Narrowing his eyes, he saw a figure sit on the grass near the small pool of water that resided across from his room. How he did not see them prior to this moment evaded him, but he saw them now and he sighed, resting his katana on the floor and rising to his full height. Why did she wake so late in the evening? He debated on whether to go to her or not. If she had wanted company, she would have come to them for it, however, the implications of a woman coming to a man's room for companionship did not mean the same to a man as it might for a woman. He looked away, he felt ashamed his mind was growing further down a path he did not want to venture. She did not deserve to be treated like this in his mind. As he determined he was _defiantly_ not the person to go to her this night, he turned to slip silently further into his room.

However, the slight turn alerted her to his presence and she turned; a look of confusion on her face, "Saito?" He cursed his bad luck and turned to face her. Well, it seemed he was to be her moon gazing companion. He did not go to her, but sat on his knees on the wooden floor, just across from her. She rose and approached him before sitting next to him on his right in the same manner. She leaned forward a bit and smiled up at him before looking back at the moon, "Saito is up very late. I did not wake you did I?" He shook his head silently 'no'. Although, she _was_ the reason he was up, but she hardly could be at fault for it. She placed her hand on her heart and sighed with relief, "Good. I would not forgive myself if I had woken you; although, you really should go to sleep." He looked her in the eye and reasoned she was not trying to burden him. He thought of taking up her silent command, but something stopped him.

"Why are you not asleep?"

She looked down, dropping her hand from her heart. "To be honest, I could not sleep. I-"she looked away from him. "I fear I may have upset Saito to the point where he does not wish to be around me anymore."

He widened his eyes slightly. She was up because of him. She worried she had done something to keep him away? He did not know what she meant but he certainly did not try to repel her, but he was not making steps to be near her, if that was what indeed, she was troubled by. That was how it always was, however, so why was she worried about that now?

She continued a look of worry and restlessness, "I fear as though I may have done something to hurt you, Saito." She was so nervous she had repeated herself. Saito looked at the moon and contemplated her distress. He was not sure of what she was getting at. He saw nothing wrong with not readily seeking her company, and he did not feel she had hurt, or upset him in any way. Certainly, she was mistaken. He furrowed his brows before unknotting them in understanding. The last they had spoken or been in one another's company was the day he had lent a hand cooking dinner. The day he decided to check himself for being so at ease when enemies still grew by the minute. There could be no time to relax. He did not want to bow at her readiness to assist. He still believed that if he continued to bask in her compassion, he would grow soft and weak. Weakness was something he hated, no, he chanced: feared more than anything. He did not wish to become lazy, or soft of mind. He could not afford such luxuries. As he focused his gaze back to the rippling pool, he closed his eyes and let out a small sigh. He realized he was hurting her indirectly. He hardened his resolve and opened his eyes slowly.

"You have not wronged me in any way. However, I do not enjoy that I have indirectly caused you to grieve so much that you cannot sleep. If for nothing than your health, go back to your bed and rest easy. Tomorrow may prove to be difficult, and sleep gives you strength for the storms ahead."

The simple act of saying he did not feel wronged by her made her jump up, happy he was not avoiding her. She bowed to him before running down the hall to her room. As she ran, she turned her head and said, "Sleep well Saito! Thank-you!"

He sighed and observed the reflection in the pool of the water. He could not let himself relax under the weight of her eyes. He had too much to lose if he became weak. He realized she was hurt when he physically avoided her, and mentally shut her down; however, he was sure that he could tackle avoiding whatever it was he felt around her with his intellect and quick thinking. He did not have any animosity towards her, and as much as he did not want to admit it, he enjoyed his conversations with his friends less than his conversations with her. However, he felt that by letting her in further than skin deep would make him lose something he could never gain back.

Back to the matter at hand, however, Saito realized he should make up his slight transgression against Chizuru. She did not deserve his contempt when she was doing nothing wrong. He realized that while he was trying to pull away from her he was hurting what comradery was formed between them. He did not wish to lose that friendship, and so as he rose, he thought of a small way to show he was not pulling away from her; as she so feared.

…

"Saito, Chizuru is going to run errands again today. As the others are out patrolling I ask that you go and assist her."

It seemed that his plan to repay her was going to happen sooner than he had expected. Not taking his hard eyes away from Hijikata, he nodded. That was all Hijikata needed to know that Saito was going to complete the task he had been assigned. He trusted Saito to be his eyes when he could not, and his judgment when he could not afford to give his own. Hijikata closed his eyes and chided himself at how he trusted Saito to do the things he could not even trust himself to do. He must seem foolish.

"You are dismissed."

…

Chizuru peered around Saito to see where he was taking her. They had run errands and put everything away, but his sudden interest to lead her somewhere and not tell her was perplexing. She recognized this part of the headquarters but at the same time did not recognize it at all. It was like figuring out a puzzle piece without any clues as to what the puzzle would build. She could not stop the excitement though. Saito was mysterious even when he wasn't trying to be (she suspected he never actually did try, however).

When he stopped his purposeful stride, she wondered if had stopped because they found what he was looking for or because he was waiting for her to do something. Turning and sliding open the door he stood beside, Chizuru followed Saito to the small table he went to sit by. Blinking, she had never seen this room before. When she looked back at Saito, she blushed at his intense stare. She could not imagine what he wanted to say to her or show her; it was becoming more perplexing than exciting.

As she began mustering the courage to ask him what this was about, he picked up a small wooden box and slid it towards her, gingerly popping open the lid; revealing what was inside. She looked at him and back at the object before picking it up with delicate fingers. "A brush?"

Saito nodded curtly, "For calligraphy." He pulled out some paper and set that on the table too. "I had informed you that I was going to think on what you could do as a hobby; this is my suggestion." He quickly set some ink beside the paper. Looking to make sure everything he needed to pull out was set, he rested his hands on his knees; waiting to hear her opinion of this idea.

She looked perplexed. He made motions of setting the objects away considering she did not approve of the idea, but was strangely relieved when she placed her hand on his to stop him. She worked a smile onto her face with ease, "Saito actually remembered! This hobby seems like it would be a relaxing and self-rewarding one. I had never begun to think of this as a hobby! Unfortunately, I do not really know how to do much calligraphy…"

"That is why it is a hobby, Chizuru. Hobbies are not meant to be perfected but enjoyed." She looked down quickly at his words. He sighed to himself before speaking again, "You'll get better with time. If it suits you, until you feel comfortable doing this on your own, as I suggested this idea, I will see it through. You may come here whenever I am present and practice while I work. If you ever need help, I will be able to assist you."

This feeling…she smiled; she again admired his steadfastness, and calm. He was a gentleman through and through. She could not help giggling inside herself at being able to take an opportunity to spend more time with the man whom she admired greatly. She blinked and clutched the brush to herself, "Does this mean Saito has done calligraphy?"

He blinked; he did not expect this question. This sudden feeling of embarrassment rose to the surface as he opened his mouth to speak, "Yes, I have taken calligraphy as my hobby. I have not practiced it in many months, however, due to the matters at present." Something twitched. Chizuru looked down to see that she still had a light grip on Saito's hand and that he had twitched his finger slightly. She pulled away and set the brush down back in the box.

"If Saito will allow me, I will take this up as a hobby…with his help?"

"For now." She nodded vigorously, "Yes, for now!"

He was not sure if this was going to be a good way to make up for his indirect manner of upsetting her, but as he looked at her excited face (seemingly more excited she was going to be having someone do it with her, rather than the idea herself), he knew this would do. It seemed that a question was rising in her eyes, and he sat patiently to hear her out.

"If it is not much trouble, could I do some calligraphy now, perhaps?" She was beyond nervous. She did not want to tread on what had just been opened up to her. She suggested this idea because she did not have to cook until later, and her other chores were done at the present-the errands being her last official task until dinner. She watched Saito ponder (or what she assumed was a pondering expression) before seemingly concluding in his mind.

"As my duties patrolling are done for the day, I can see no reason to not help you begin." he thought again for a moment, almost hesitating to say what he was going to say next, "I have been meaning to do some light sword practice." Chizuru grew puzzled what this had to do with sword practice but realized that he was going to be entertaining himself while she fiddled with calligraphy. He did say he was going to only help her when she needed it, so she saw no reason to get upset he was not going to show her the ropes. Although she would be lying if she said, she was not a bit disappointed she would not really be spending much time with him. However, she strengthened her resolve; this was no time to go into self-pity over silly things.

Saito could not almost contain the small frown when he saw Chizuru's eyes grow a bit dull. "Or," she looked up at him, "I could help you begin your hobby." This time he could not contain the small smile that played on his lips when she clasped her hands to her heart and smiled wide. Her smile was contagious, most assuredly. Her smile broadened when she caught Saito's small one. She also felt an odd, very light, almost unrecognizable, sensation in her stomach. Ignoring it, she put her hands on the table and grabbed the first piece of parchment, ready to begin.

…

Saito was proud to note that Chizuru was an easy student. She was quick with picking up his tips, and easy at steering in the right direction. All criticism she took with determination to do better, rather than a sour attitude and defensive posture. He found that teaching her was just as relaxing as doing it himself. Maybe it was more fulfilling because he felt he had helped someone accomplish something. It was not as strong, but still just similar to, acknowledging the people he protected on a mission. It was the thought that they would get to live another day to survive and enjoy this planet call Earth. Trailing his gaze back to the concentrating girl, he nodded as he saw her finally accomplish making a perfect stroke. It had been an hour, and she proudly displayed it for him to see. He felt she might have been more excited to show him she had done it rather than the self-fulfillment of doing it perfectly. It seemed they were different in this regard. Saito was introverted, and therefore kept much to himself. He gained more fulfillments from accomplishing something such calligraphy by himself, and in his own time, rather than he would have if a teacher had come and instructed him how. Even if one had done so, he would not have proudly displayed it for his teacher, but for himself. This was not a greedy, or self-centered point of view, but rather a person who was self-motivated, and basked in their accomplishments. Chizuru, however, seemed to be the type of person who rather sought other's happiness rather than her own. Therefore, it made sense she felt more fulfilled when he was happy, or accomplished, rather than herself. Of course, he noted the small gleam of self-fulfillment in her gaze, but it was not as bright as the one she seemed to be positioning at him. The gleam of his approval. He nodded his head, and that was all it took for her grin to stretch even further, happy she had done something worthy of his praise. Even if it was only in the form of a nod.

Seeing she was doing well he excused himself to do some light sword practicing. Although it seemed that, the battles that were once too many to count were now stale and far in-between: he wanted to polish himself, and keep his body in the best condition he could muster. Many formed in their minds the idea that he never needed to train, nor do so with as much force and tenacity that he put himself through. However, it would seem far odder, in his frame of mind, for him to treat swordsmanship with such a lazy mind. Certainly, no good would come from putting down his sword for pleasures, and other delights. War came too quickly, was started too easily, and lasted too long for him to not prepare for the future. Life would not always be easy, or so lax. The past months proved that venture. Then to be whispered about the halls as someone who went beyond his call of duty caused slight agitation, and anger to flutter into his heart. If there was something to be said, it should be said to his face; not someone who has no good foot in the matter.

He let a sigh escape as he thrust his blade forward. He knew they did not mean him harm, nor did they mean anything detrimental to him because of it. He should be appreciative they think him so good that he no longer requires training, but that is a foolish notion based on minds that have not tasted what he has, nor seen what he has seen, and therefore cannot accept it as praise nor appreciation. Neither great men, nor warriors built their land off being good for a season, or training for a time. All good things come with work, and the continuation of work. As he felt Chizuru's eyes set their gaze upon him, he knew she understood this plight. She too had seen what many women, Saito prayed, would never see. Battle is grim, deadly, foul, and merciless. Women should not live to see such times where they must actively play a role in it, but Saito would fight next to any who find it in their heart to stand for their homes. He would stand next to them with pride, because no one else would pay homage to their works.

He rested briefly, not tired in the slightest, but wishing to acknowledge Chizuru's presence.

"You have finished your calligraphy?" he knew the answer before she spoke it.

"Yes. I was just watching Saito practice before I went to cook dinner for everyone. It relaxes me to see him trying his hardest."

Saito sheathed his sword before resting next to Chizuru. If there was one thing, he could say he enjoyed most of Chizuru's character it was her ability to understand with wisdom beyond her years. It made him feel a slight swell in the chest to know she found it soothing to watch him practice. Maybe it was the idea that she could see that even those who were "the best" took time to practice diligently to keep their skills sharp. Maybe she was soothed by the very motions of sword practice. He knew her dislike wielding a sword, but she had a great admiration for them: he knew. Either way, the fact she appreciated his sword practicing did him some good. Here was again struck by her maturity, and how much she had grown into a woman long before her time.

"Would you like help?"

She smiled and closed her eyes, "No thank-you."

He looked at her out of the corner of his eye. Here he thought she would readily agree, and here she was denying his services. He could not help but look at the darkening sky with mild serenity.

She slowly opened her eyes, "You have helped me enough."

They both looked at the sky, and enjoyed the small moment of basking in one another's quietness. Saito wanted to etch this in his mind for many reasons. She was growing up more than he had previously realized. She rarely spoke in third person anymore, and she the way she cocked her neck, poured him tea, and sat. She breathed grace long forgotten. They way she smiled at him made him relax in ways he wish he would not. However, as he watched a small smile dance upon her lips, he would let it sooth his aches this one time. He did not know how long they had in this life, especially with the way things were now. He decided that for now, he would let himself close his eyes in a type of peace only felt when the wind quietly blew on your face, and the sun tickled your face, and when the world was slow, but beautiful.

It was weird; he reasoned that when she had said 'you have helped me enough', it felt more as if she was thanking him. It was whispered quietly, but delicately. He looked at her face, and saw her staring at him, and he knew he had been right. In her eyes was the look of someone who was thanking you sincerely. He rested a hand on his knee and lightly rested his chin on his open palm.

"You're welcome, Chizuru."

_Thank-you_, he quietly thought, _for understanding what I needed._

When he looked back, she was gone.

…

Sorry this took so long for this chapter…not completely satisfied with it, but I'll edit it when I can!


	5. 005

**Bound for the Sun|005;**  
by _woochann_  
A Saito/Chizuru fanfiction

Chapter six will be out as soon as I can spare some time. _Crane Wing on Windows_ chapter ten is done, but it is so short that I'm working on chapter eleven as well and will release them both asap. Two more weeks and I'll have a weekend at home and then two more weeks and it is Thanksgiving break! Hopefully I'll be able to updated some stories for real then.

Thank-you all for your patience, and for all your reviews. I'm going to go back to working on _Crane Wings on Windows_ so I can get it done by next week (hopefully).

…

She had been hesitating all day to see if Saito was willing to do calligraphy with her, but he had his job to do, and as his duty came before anything: she did not want to disturb him. A week had flown by without Chizuru dabbling in her hobby again. Most of it was because she had suddenly gotten busy with helping the Shinsengumi, and doing her normal chores. The enemies were quiet still, and since most had been thwarted, it was safe to say that most of the fighting with them was done. New enemies might surface, Chizuru knew, but she would take the peace that she could. Returning to her earlier thoughts, she had little time to waste doing much of anything besides sleep. This was the month for new enlistments and so she was busy helping oversee outfits were mended and hemmed as well as being there to mend any warriors who decided to get into a scrape.

Hijikata had little time to spare his men for her to go and do her stocks keep, so they were down on food. Today had been considerably calmer than others had. Most of the enlistments were done, and those who were accepted were now being shown around their headquarters, and being assigned to different squads. She watched happily as a few new recruits scurried along their way, still getting a feel for the new surroundings. When one stopped and looked at her, she waited patiently as he formed the words he needed.

"Do you know where we may find Heisuke?" Chizuru pondered for a bit trying her best to remember where he was at, before bowing slightly and pointing in the direction.

"He may not still be there, but that is the last place he was at. Are you apart of his squad?"

They both nodded, "Yes, and we are to go out on patrol with him soon."

They bowed to one another and Chizuru watched them take their leave. Now she was sitting by her room doing a whole lot of nothing. She had done everything expected of her today, and she had hours before she had to even think about cooking dinner. Lunch had been given earlier, and she was happy the new recruits enjoyed her cooking. She was happy to see more people sitting at her extremely large (and imaginary) table. They had lost so many in the past squabbles and wars that it hurt her to see so many good men gone. However, now it was regaining its old fervor. Sighing, she threw her legs over the side of the walkway and rested her hands behind her to support her weight as she leaned back. She wanted to enjoy the cooler weather, but her thoughts kept going back to how idle she was. She needed to do something. She decided against seeking Saito out because he was busy, and from what she had heard an hour ago, he was on patrol anyways. Heisuke was soon to go on patrol it seemed and Saito would return…only to lock himself in his room doing paperwork, and possibly meeting with Hijikata on certain political aspects of the Shinsengumi.

When the wood groaned next to her, she jumped a bit upon seeing Okita resting beside her in the same manner.

"You look conflicted Chizuru." When his gaze briefly met hers, she smiled. He had been sneaking out of his room lately to seek her company. Somehow, he knew when she needed a confidant, or when she needed to confide in someone about something. In addition, she figured he got bored so she would let him leave his room only to promise to go back in it once he had his fill with chatting with her.

Okita looked at the clouds lazily hovering by. "Saito visited me today. It was odd, and somewhat awkward. It seemed he had business to discuss. It was rather boring you know! And no tea from Chizuru!" he sighed dramatically.

"Okita I am sure whatever Saito had to say was worth it! Besides, you do not need my tea all of the time. You'll be too spoiled!" Okita laughed lightly, he enjoyed how forceful she was when he spoke to her. He just had to complain for a minute and he was being reprimanded about how he should be grateful. Besides, he enjoyed teasing her, and her sudden interest on what Saito was doing made her that much more interesting to tease.

"I feel like if I mentioned Saito more you'd listen to me more acutely. I could see you nodding your head to sleep when I talked about my adventures in my room."

She scoffed at him before smiling, "Claiming you defeated five enemies while in your room does not count. You know as well as I do that no one has even entered the grounds who is not an enemy in months."

He smiled lightly at how she did not discount he could kill them, but rather that there was nothing to kill. Yes, he enjoyed Chizuru's company quite a lot. However, he had not come to her today to talk to her idly.

"Chizuru, I came over here to tell you that Saito was looking for you. I'm not sure why, but he wanted to see you as soon as possible."

Chizuru jumped up and thanked Okita before running to find Saito. Okita grinned. He was sure he would get in trouble for this later. However, he figured Saito deserved some happiness and Chizuru as well. As close as they seemed to be getting on without realizing it meant they needed some outside prodding. Those two were so awkward with one another, if nothing else he could get a good laugh about it when Chizuru came to yell at him tomorrow. Glancing at the sky one more time he rose quietly to go back to his prison.

…

Running a hand through his hair, Saito glanced at the paperwork in front of him. Now that Hijikata was leader of the Shinsengumi, he did not have as much time to do paperwork, and Saito had quietly offered his services to oversee anything Hijikata could not do himself. He had to then talk to Hijikata about his decisions for approval before he made any move to send them on their way. It was very rare, and normally in wartime, that Saito was allowed the liberty to bypass approval. He had just finished those when he sat back to enjoy the cooling tea by his table. He was glad enlistments were done, and the turnout was rather surprising this season. Most enlistments were few, and he blamed most of that on the war that had raged but some months ago. Nobody wanted to be part of a war if it could be avoided; therefore, few had come for enlistment; let alone with the Shinsengumi. Now that things seemed to be ebbing into a sort of normalcy, people were stepping up.

He had gotten ten new members to his squad, although Heisuke gained the most. It was never about numbers honestly, and they only gained members to their squads who would thrive under the distinct leadership. Most were assessed to be in a squad by skill, and their weapon of choice. Saito tended to be firm in his leadership, and thorough. He disliked slackers, and made it a point to emphasize hard work and dedication. Heisuke was slightly looser in how he led his men, but was in no way terrible at his leadership skills. He had a different way of approaching things, and that was why the Shinsengumi had survived so long. Different ideas kept the group constantly thriving and without lack of new ways to handle things.

He had taken his new recruits on patrol and was happy to note they picked up quickly. He had gotten a quiet bunch, but a few broke the silence to make idle chatter in-between. Some even tried to ask him questions, most of which he ignored if they were personal, but quietly but surely answered any that had to do with the Shinsengumi itself. Most were satisfied with the answers he gave, and were quick-witted enough not to ask them again. This year's enlistment was a good sign for the future. He hoped it stayed this way for a while, and that the recruits had time to hone their skills before real battle reared its head again.

Deciding to change back into his black kimono, he ran a hand through his short hair to release any tangles that may have knitted themselves to his hair. Just as he had finished changing, and re-organizing his small desk, a slight knock broke the silence of the afternoon.

"Enter."

He stood to his full height and relaxed slightly at the sight of Chizuru. She smiled quickly and by the looks of it, she had run to his room. Cocking his head slightly to the right he let Chizuru speak.

"You wished to see me."

Righting his head, he gave her a slight puzzled expression, "I have not called for you Chizuru. Who might have given you false information?" He had a suspicion that Okita had something to do with this. He had slipped to Okita that Chizuru had taken a new hobby, one he was aiding her in. However, it seemed Okita was already well informed of this hobby, and upon further conversation, Okita revealed that Chizuru visited him often and told him most of the things happening in the Shinsengumi, and a few private thoughts. The gleam in Okita's eye proved worrisome and Saito feared Okita might have been plotting something to ruffle Chizuru's feathers. As he looked at her shocked expression, it seemed Okita had done a good job.

"Okita told me you wanted to see me. I am sorry if I have interrupted something important!" She made a move to leave but Saito simply motioned for her to sit across his small desk.

"There is no need to rush off. You were not interrupting anything of importance. Everything I needed to have done is done. Since you are here and I am free you may do some more of your calligraphy as you have not had much time to do it."

He knew that every time this week he had seemed slightly less busy Chizuru had almost asked him a question. However, she seemed to think better of it and just walk away, her head down. Saito was glad she did not ask him because he did not have the time to do anything of personal pleasure. They had rarely seen each other this past week, and when they did, their conversation was formal, and quick.

"How has your day been?" The question was unexpected, but from Chizuru's fidgeting it seemed she was not in the type of mood for quietness.

Thinking of how to answer her question he answered honestly, "Interesting."

She nodded before trying again at another stroke and smiled lightly when it turned out better than the last. This continued for another hour of Chizuru asking questions and getting stiff answers (if any) in response. Saito was not one to over express himself if he could answer in cordial, short answers. Even with people such as Chizuru where he felt like he could trust them more, he spoke little. It was not in his nature to speak so flippantly about anything. However, Chizuru seemed satisfied with his one-worded answers, and silent responses to some.

…

Chizuru had decided to let Saito help with dinner this night considering these next few weeks they would hardly see each other, and Chizuru would not be able to do calligraphy with Saito for a while. He gave her a brush of her very own to use and found some extra paper lying around to be used to practice on. She had her own inkbottles and was eager to do her own work. She stopped musing over her hobby as she finished slicing the vegetables she needed. Saito was brewing tea, and she had even roped Heisuke to help. He looked pained as he watched the water boil. His job was mainly in helping serve and provide an extra hand when needed, but she knew that pained look was his way of concentrating on doing as best a job as possible. He blinked and looked at her before grinning and going back to watching the water boil. She knew he had no patience in the kitchen, and was glad he was doing his best to help. His presence lightened the mood considerably, and his odd conversations helped keep the evening pleasant and less awkward.

Saito was the most grateful for Heisuke's presence. It allowed his mind to be at ease, and less worried about keeping conversation with Chizuru. He may enjoy his small talks with Chizuru, but he appreciated Heisuke's ease of starting conversations and fueling them with his own musings. Besides, it helped Saito's plan of keeping as distant from Chizuru as possible without hurting her. He liked silence, and he liked his time to think alone, and in peace. Now with Chizuru he felt he had to strain at times to make light conversation. He knew that when he talked he had a way of pulling towards the deeper ends of conversation, and therefore light talk came harder for him than intimate and deep speech. He blamed most of this on his personality. While others were great at dancing around at the surface, Saito saw what others neglected. His mind thought of issues and problems on a deeper scale than others did. This did not make his any better, but it proved his mind-set worked a different way. Shifting his weight, he moved to place the teacups on their trays to be brought out to the others. The main force of the Shinsengumi had been fed, and all that was left was Hijikata, Heisuke, Chizuru, and himself. Okita very rarely dined with them, but he knew Chizuru took him his meal around the same time she served the other Shinsengumi members. He suspected this was part of the time she talked to Okita about random nothings that Okita probably had no need to know. However, he understood why he said nothing to Chizuru that he really did not care about such trivial things. He appreciated her companionship, and especially for Okita, anything from outside his room was a blessing. Chizuru had a sense of peace, and comfort about her that few women he had met possessed. Her unnatural feeling of calm may have been due to her oni powers, but he had a hunch that regardless, she would have had that feeling even if she were human.

As Chizuru busied herself with finishing their meal, Heisuke had taken that time to prod a new conversation out of thin air, "Hijikata's been brooding over something these past few days. Have either of you noticed that?"

Chizuru turned her head slightly in thought before nodding with confirmation, "He has been a bit…distracted."

Saito, however, had not really paid much mind to Hijikata's mood swings. He was use to the man brooding, and he assumed it was his usual demeanor rearing its head again. Long before Chizuru came into their lives, Hijikata brooded often. Most of the time it was before a big decision he had to make, or after a small fight had been resolved. Hijikata was not unknown for brooding, and it was welcomed. It meant he was relaxed and in his best mood yet. The only time Hijikata showed true happiness was rare, and saved only for his friends. What you did not want to see from Hijikata was nothing. He had many emotions that danced on his face, but when his face was calm and steady it meant a storm was brewing. Chizuru had calmed most of his nerves, but Hijikata was still himself, and now being responsible for so many men meant his mood swings would come more often. He reasoned that this brooding Heisuke referred too was just Heisuke being himself: stating the observations, everyone already knew of.

"Hijikata has had many enlistments to go over, and papers to sign. I am sure his brooding, as you refer too, is simply Hijikata contemplating his decisions." Heisuke nodded, but was still unconvinced that Hijikata's brooding was for what Saito claimed it to be for. However, Hijikata would let them in on his brooding when he deemed it worth their time, if at all. Heisuke had very rarely been present when Hijikata actually explained his brooding, let alone what it was for. However, something about this particular brooding made him ruffled. It was not the sensation of feeling as if bad things were coming, but more along the lines of prickling at the back of your neck in warning of a shift: be for good or ill was still to be determined.

All of them had silent musings of what "Hijikata's brooding" meant, but either way: dinner was done and it was time to set such things aside for the meal that was soon to be devoured.

…

As Chizuru had foretold, she had not seen Saito since dinner - two weeks ago. Well, she had seen him, from a distance. She often ate with the new recruits when able, but knew Saito preferred his meals to be in private, and away from prying eyes. Heisuke also kept to himself since Shinpachi had left the Shinsengumi. However, ever so often he sat in with his new recruits, and some not from his squad to be informed of the information that the once common townsfolk usually had. Chizuru sighed as she looked around the room, most of the men had left the dining room (or mock dining room) to retire to their rooms, or do some light sword practice. She noticed that most of the men who excused themselves to do light sword practice were from Saito's squad. She smiled a bit at the dedication they put forth in proving to their leader, and themselves that they were worth their rank and abilities.

The last man excused himself and bowed quietly to Chizuru, sending a small thank-you for the meal before heading off to bed. Once the room was empty, she began to place bowls and cups in stacks to be taken to a few tubs to be washed. The meal was quiet today and calm compared to usual nights which were more rambunctious and loud. As she stacked the last bowls together, the sliding door opened to reveal Hijikata. Sitting back on her knees, Chizuru smiled lightly to Hijikata before returning to her work.

"Chizuru, may I speak with you?"

Looking over her shoulder, she stopped her busy work, "Of course!" Standing she dusted her pants before making her way to Hijikata. She looked him up and down and still felt odd seeing his hair short and sticking in odd angles rather than long and in place. She thought it was rather at odds this night, but assumed he was having a rough night and had been running his fingers through his hair constantly.

He looked around the room once as if to inspect it before walking out with Chizuru close behind. Once he had found his room, he opened the door and let her in before him.

He sat on his usual mat in his usual Hijikata manner with a face of seriousness and tiredness. Chizuru wished his burdens were lighter, but knew that it would not be so.

"I have to ask something of you Chizuru. I am going away for a few weeks with miscellaneous, but important errands that need handled. Nothing dangerous, for the most part." Chizuru relaxed at hearing the final sentence, glad to know he would be able to handle any threats without difficulty.

"What I require of you is simple: I would like to know if you would be able to run errands by yourself for a while as Saito will be in charge while I am away, and Heisuke will take on even more responsibilities. This may not have needed to be discussed at such an hour, but with my departure to be in two days, I felt I should inform you that you do not need a protector while running errands. While I am beside myself for this, I know that if the time came, you could defend yourself well enough to get away."

Chizuru nodded her understanding, but looked concerned when Hijikata began debating over something in his mind. She read it on his face and was concerned he would not express whatever was troubling him.

"Also, if I may be so bold as to ask something else of you?" Chizuru spoke a quiet 'yes' and sat patiently waiting for Hijikata to wrestle with his mind. "Okita is restless, as usual, but if you could spend time with him on a regular basis, that might make him complain less. This might also sound like an obscure request, but if you could spend some time with Heisuke as well, it would help ease the burden I have. Unfortunately, Heisuke is still shocked and disoriented from Shinpachi's departure and is often times distracted which makes his alertness decrease. I figure that you would help him much more than I can and would do."

The request was strange, coming from Hijikata, but not altogether misplaced considering how few there were of them now. Chizuru had noticed Heisuke's bottled up emotions, or reckless release of some, but she figured that he was just confused, hurt, and alone – even amongst friends. She had not once sat down with him to see how he was in a long time, and maybe it was time to reacquaint herself with Heisuke again when he was not too busy.

"I will do my best for both, and I pray that your journey is easy. Is that all you wished to ask? Would you like some tea for the night?"

Hijikata relaxed slightly and shrugged his shoulders before replying, "That is all that I require of you, and tea would be great if you could spare some."

Chizuru smiled, and silently tipped her hat to Heisuke. He had noticed Hijikata was fretting, but over what he was puzzled by. Little did they all realize it was something personal rather than formal. He was concerned for his friends well begin and seemed at odds with asking someone else to help ease his burden in it. Typical Hijikata behavior.

…

After giving her goodnights to Hijikata (and his tea), she worked her way to the kitchen to finish the dishes that were stacked a mile high (so to speak). As she walked in, she heard the clanging of dishes. Looking around she spotted Heisuke setting now clean dishes on the counter to be put away. He was currently looking puzzled as to where they went, but relaxed his brows when he spotted Chizuru.

"I was going to put them away for you but considering I have no clue where they go, I figured I'd set them on the counter so you could do that." Chizuru looked around astonished but grateful at his quick work, but stopped short when she saw a few grains of rice stuck on a few. She giggled before walking over to him.

"I am grateful for your help! I did not even know you were still awake."

"I was, and when I came to set my dish down to be cleaned, I noticed you had not even gotten one done. Therefore, being the kind person that I am, I did them for you. I figured you were currently doing something else before these so it wasn't a big deal." He shrugged before wiping his nose in embarrassment. She smiled and decided to take this time offered to her to have a talk with Heisuke.

"Could I trouble you for a few minutes Heisuke?"

Heisuke looked troubled by her question, but seemed to decide quickly on his response, "Of course, is there something wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong, it is just that I have not gotten to speak with you in quite some time."

Heisuke visibly relaxed and shoved his hands in his pockets while they walked. When they were outside, he sat down on the edge of the walkway, letting his feet rest on the upper most stairs that were in front of him. Chizuru did the same while looking at the sky above, smiling at the moon whose rays danced lightly on her face. Heisuke did the same and cocked his head to the side trying to find the constellations in the sky above.

"How have you been?" It was a simple question, but one Heisuke recognized that was not so simple to answer.

"Chizuru, if you're trying to say something-" Chizuru looked at him intently and Heisuke shut his mouth before grinning slightly. "You do not need to worry about me Chizuru. I'm fine."

"No you're not Heisuke. Normally I would believe you, and have believed you for quite some time, but it is become clear that it is not. Your mood swings are rivaling Hijikata's and you lapse into moods of quiet uncertainty that leaves me quiet and saddened by your current state. I know you are more mature than you were before, and I know your responsibilities require you to little time to really assess how you are, but really think about it for me. I really want to know how you are, and if you can say to me that you are fine then I will believe you, but if you are not: then say something. I just want to help."

Heisuke rested his elbows on his knees, "There are some things you cannot help someone cope with Chizuru. Shinpachi leaving was just one of the realities that I've had to face. It's strange," he looked at the moon with a quiet reverence, "I never really thought of death until a few months ago. Maybe when you are younger you think you are invincible, but even in the Shinsengumi when I knew I could die any day, I still never really faced it. The past few months helped sober me up, to be sure. Then to top it off, Shinpachi left which seemed odd in and of itself, but can I really complain? I left the Shinsengumi for a time as well, and yet Shinpachi seemed fine despite that. I'm not trying to say that he should have been bothered by it, but I just wish I could be more mature about it. It just seems…weird without him or Sano. Quiet. Just, different."

Chizuru smiled with understanding, "You are more mature than you realize Heisuke. Death is something that we daily have to cope with, and often times if left at that will burden us more than it should. Death is simply a part of life, and while it does not make the sting less painful, you have to let Death do its part, and play the part you were given for the time you were given. It is hard to see friends leave, and people die who were once considered comrades, but if you live in the past, you will forget today. Death comes suddenly, and normally unexpected, so to live life in a different time seems silly, but understandable. Shinpachi left because he felt he had to and because he wanted to. What you do with your time should be up to you. Do not worry about Shinpachi so much, or feel alone without him here, but be happy that he chose to live his life as he felt it deserves to be lived. He would want you to do the same. I do not want to solve your problems because then how will you ever learn to depend on yourself, and be your own person? Sometimes, Heisuke, you will never find the answers to the questions you ask or seek. Sometimes you have to let what is, be what it is, and just live. You know this stuff already, I'm quite sure, but maybe you need to hear it from someone else."

Heisuke rubbed his temple before looking at the sky again, not saying a word. Chizuru's smile faded and replacing it was firmness.

"Trust me as you trust yourself. You are strong Heisuke, and very much your own person. I am here for you when you need someone to listen, and just listen. I know I tend to try to help more often than listen, but life is best shared than fought alone. Everything will not suddenly become better, and may even become worse, but I know you can make it Heisuke, and I'll be here to share it with you for as long as I can." She nodded to herself to confirm this, and looked at the sky with as much interest as Heisuke was. He was searching himself for an answer only he could find, and Chizuru was content to let him be. She too tried to search herself for her own answers. She needed to follow her own advice and become her own person, and not so dependent on others. Relying on others was not a weakness, but only doing so was even worse. It was cowardly. It was like having you tail between your legs and slinking off. She just could not trust herself to think for herself. She had no problem forming opinions, but if she only depended on others for everything then what was the point of thinking at all?

"I guess…I'm not fine."

Chizuru blinked, but quickly looked content as Heisuke looked her in the eye. "And that is perfectly okay."

Heisuke stood up, shrugging his shoulders before resting his hands behind his neck, "I'm going to bed now. Thanks for sitting with me, and for confronting my behavior."

He walked away before Chizuru could say anything. She smiled and stood to walk back in the kitchen to re-clean a few of the dishes Heisuke missed some of the stains on, and to think about what supplies were needed for the next day's meal, and the meals to come.

Both were unaware of Okita standing around the corner listening in on their conversation. Pushing himself off the wall, he began his slow walk back to his room, his features grim. He knew in his heart that Death would take him sooner than later, and that whatever he had was incurable. He had a foreboding in his heart that he would not live for very much longer, and he wondered how Chizuru and his comrades would take it.

"No matter what they say, death is always experienced alone."

He gripped his hands into fists and clenched his jaw. He just wanted his suffering to end, and yet he wished he could live for many more years to prove to his enemies he could not be killed off so easily. Yet there was this sadness. This unexplainable sadness gnawing at his mind, he would never be able to taste freedom once more, and he had always hoped to die with freedom rather than imprisonment.

He had little time to think of much else as his coughing started up again.


End file.
